And you don’t even know

You make me smile when I’m down
You make me laugh when all else fails
You make me jump up when life sucks
And you don’t even know me

Slelfie on instagram, tweet on twitter post on Facebook, it don’t matter
Kiss a fan, get coffee, buy a shirt, toss your hair around.
I gotta crush on you and we haven’t even met

When no one else is there for me you sing
When no one else is there for me you smile
When no one else is there for me you laugh
When no one else is there, you are, and you don’t even know it

It sucks

Clothes in the pantry, clothes in the dining room, living room, bathrooms, on the stairs, in the halls. Water spills mixed in with the clothes. Dried on food on the clothes. Dirty or clean it doesn’t matter, that is my house. Everything from books to Lego’s to cooler bags. It doesn’t matter. If its not behind a locked door it gets soiled, wet, or simply unusable. I’m just recently turned 14 and as always I feel responsible for the house being messy. It doesn’t matter that I have 2 “happily” married parents, and 6 siblings, 1 of which is 18 and soon to be moving to another state. I’m the oldest girl in my family, I have 1 sister and 4 brothers. But except for my dad (who works early to late hours 5 days a week and is a fulltime pastor) and me no one cares. My mom of course has an iPhone which she is on constantly. My 2 younger brothers 8&4 play inside and outside all day. My sister 10 plays all day inside. My older brother 15 sits in his little basement bedroom does schoolwork, plays on his I iPod, and cleans his maybe 50 foot area. My oldest brother lives with our grandpa, so he doesn’t really notice. Meanwhile I’m cleaning or doing schoolwork. If I’m told to take a day from schoolwork I clean. Which of course bothers my mom because she’s to lazy to get off her phone and clean or teach the 4 year old how to write his letters. Our house is so full of puzzles we never do, books we never will read, clothes we will never wear, and just a bunch of other random we will never use, sometimes I get a mentalheadache. Not a physical headache where your forehead hurts, but where your brain hurts. I don’t know is this your house? I have been in  messy houses like ours. And I have also been it clean houses where I’m completely comfortable. Messyhouses bother me. Messy anything bothers me. And if I don’t clean it I feel guilty. And it sucks.

I sit in this empty room

I sit in this empty room hoping
that you’ll understand why I did
what I did.

I sit in this empty room crying
knowing there is no reason
for you to forgive me.

I sit in this empty room replaying
every moment we were together
knowing we probably won’t have
them ever again

And its all because of me.
All because of the mistake I made.
It was stupid, and I’m sorry.

What is this?

You tease me, but it is flirting?
You stare at me, or is it the girl next to me?
You post funny insta’s of me, are you  trying to make someone else jealous?
You text me all the time, what is this?

Your all I think about baby, the only thing that’s on my mind
If I knew what this was, I don’t know what I’d do

But if I knew should I act the same and  play it by ear?
Or should I do something new?
Should I put on makeup and wear a dress?

And though I know I should be all, if you don’t like me now forget it
I wonder, do you like me the way I am?