The bitch that killed my grandma

I just watched the most heartbreaking video ever. I have never connected with someone so much in my entire life. I don’t know this guy at all. Never met him, but we have one thing in common. We have both lost people to the disease ALS. We have both watched those people die. All over the world celebs and everyone else are pouring ice water on their heads to kill this bitch. Hell I did it and although it made me scream, I am glad I did. If you read my recent posts you know my grandma was killed by ALS. Its been almost 2 years since she died. When she died I made myself promise that every time I earned 50-100 dollars I would donate it to an ALS association. My friends think I’m this confident girl. But really, when no one can see me or hear me I cry. Hell, right now I crying, because I’m afraid I could get it and because it killed the only real friend I had for 5 years of my 14 year life. Only 30,000 people have this. Hardly anyone knows about it. Out of the thousands of wonderful people it picked my grandma. She died at age 62. And everyday I feel like punching a hole in a wall so I can see if I can feel the pain she felt. When she couldn’t walk  anymore, I was there. When her hands stopped working, when she couldn’t button her shirt, when she couldn’t dial on the phone, I was there. I watched her die. There was nothing that I could do to save her. All I could do was button her shirt, feed her through her feeding tube, make her laugh a little, but there was never a time when I was ever going to be able to stop the pain or make it all better. I watched her stop breathing. I watched my grandpa cry. I watched my brothers cry. I watched my uncle cry. I watched my dad cry. And yet I couldn’t cry, not wouldn’t cry, couldn’t cry. I refused to except that she was dead. I watched my family cry and I couldn’t do anything about it not even cry. This bitch that killed my grandma, I have to kill it. If I don’t either it, it will kill me or the pain of knowing I couldn’t do  anything will kill me. That promise I made, I’m not breaking it. So every time I make 50-100 I’m donating. I might need new jeans, I might want a new purse. But there is nothing I need more than to kill this bitch.
Please excuse my language, I really do want nothing more than to kill ALS.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s