Trust. Earning it

When I die I wanna know I did something good for this world. I wanna have 6 kids, I wanna adopt a million kids. I wanna live my life to the fullest. I don’t wanna die as the girl who had 5 siblings, a grumpy mom and a partially grumpy dad. If that’s how I’m be remembered then kill me now. I wanna be able to trust people. Trusting people. I’ve never really trusted anyone. Because I’ll say please don’t tell and then they tell. Everyone. That’s why honesty is the most important thing when I’m in a relationship of any sort with anyone. I want to actually be able to say, one time I almost killed myself. I want so little yet the world seems to think it to much. I’m not asking for a billion dollars or world peace. I’m asking to be to able fully and completely be able to trust someone. One person. One. Not ten. Or twenty. One. One person. I want be able to say with my voice not on paper or read from a computer by someone on the other side of the world. I wanna be able to talk to someone with my voice about my life. I want that person to fully trust me back. Trust isn’t just handed out. I know that. Can I just trust one person knowing that they aren’t going to tell someone else. I don’t need to be remembered. I just wanna make a difference and to fully trust one person. I wanna say today was hard for me because…….. without people laughing at me. I have dreams. And I work hard to make them live and real. But sometimes I need someone who I can lean on and someone who can lean on me.

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