What goes through my brain

There are things I’ve done, things I never want replayed, things I never want anyone to do. And yet, somehow, someone, finds out. And I’m not in trouble, but its just to embarrassing to show my face one the street again.

Society: be yourself
Society: no not like that

Blah blah blah

No one cares

Dude, I know my ass is cute (not really) but seriously, stop touching it

I have an idea, shut up

If I die young I want all my one direction stuff buried with me

Before I die tell my family I have a blog

Yep, I’m going to hell

Life sucks

There’s always a wakeup call for me. If we don’t have money, if someone’s really sick, when someone’s dies, especially when someone dies.
Tonight was my wakeup call. I was watching a show and this lady told her family she had cancer and everyone started crying. My aunt died last Saturday morning and till now it hadn’t clicked. We where never close. But that doesn’t matter, we had good times and I loved her like I should love an aunt. Why is everyone dying? I know its the way of life. We all are dying, just some faster then others and by some I mean a lot.
She died from (what else?) Cancer. Its like its killing everyone and its stupid. And it hurts. And I hate it. And I’m angry. At cancer. Life sucks. Cancer sucks.

It was……….VERY different

I recently visited a baptist church and this is my description of what I saw happen and what I think.

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a church service where the only cross in the sanctuary was on the christian flag, where the pastor was yelling like a brand new father except he was yelling about god is love, where there is no altar, where the pastor wore a suit, where I thought the whole service was bible class but with hymns, and it has never been so hard to follow along to what the pastor is saying just because he’s yelling and walking around the whole sanctuary and talking about his apple tree that doesn’t grow fruit and then somehow tying it with god is love

First star

The raindrops hit the roof and remind me of past months when my tears hit my pillow
Your contact is still in my phone and I still look at past texts from you, wishing we hadn’t drifted apart
Maybe when I see you next year I will understand, or maybe it will only make it harder
If I was asked how my pain was on a scale of 1-10 I would say 9, but its really a 10
So as I try to sleep tonight I know you’ll be on my mind, I know I’ll be hoping you’ll text back, I know I’ll be wishing on that first star tonight, praying you’ll text me back

And yet, I still like you

To the jerk that got what he wanted and left—

There is not a song or a story or a conversation or a poem that say how angry I am with you. You said that you would be there for me, I thought you were different, I guess I was wrong. Your like the rest, you got what you wanted, then you left. If I could wake up and find that this is just a dream that would be great. So pinch me. Am I awake? Yes. But I wasn’t sleeping. So its real. You broke my heart, and that hurts. You said that you liked me, and really? I thought you did. So not demi lovato, Selena Gomez, Ariana grande, Iggy anzela, or even Taylor swift have written a song that says what I feel, cause I still like you. And that hurts even more. You hurt me and now I’m hurting myself by still liking you.

Understand

When I cry my tears I don’t want you to ask why, I want you to understand.
Understand that he is moving. Understand that he’s been here 7 years.
Understand that this is hard for me cause he’s family. Understand I’m trying to be brave. Understand that for those who have lost to much already losing more is worse than the worst pain. Understand that I’m already not living life, I’m just living. So when he leaves in less than 5 weeks I will cry tears and they will not be happy ones. So please understand.

Caught in the middle

To matt-
She had a crush on you, you said you liked her back. But in the end you took advantage of her and left her alone crying. Now I’m caught in the middle, cause I’m her best friend. Caught in the middle of all your lies, caught in the middle of keeping you and her from fighting, caught in the middle of her pain, that you caused. You got back together with your old girlfriend but was still kissing my best friend. You didn’t tell her your back together with your girlfriend even after you and my best friend are over. She doesn’t know that you two are over and that your with somebody else. You say you don’t want to hurt her but by making me keep the secret of your girlfriend and you your hurting me to cause she’s my friend and your making me lie to her. You are my two best friends and because of that I don’t want to hurt either of you. So when you say you don’t want to hurt her, you might want to know that your hurting me to.