Appreciating, realizing, learning

As you get older you read books slower appreciating the small romantic and pretty things, you realize that the daily arguments you have with your siblings are stupid and useless, you start to think about your grades, you think seriously about money, you try not to lose what you love most in your daily life, you worry less and more at the same time, you lie less, doing your hair is actually part of your daily routine, you find that your more open to trying new things, you actually want to date a guy even if that guy hasn’t appeared in your life yet, pretending is something that bores you, you realize that in 3&1/2 years if you have a job you will be paying taxes (scary), you become aware that people who you thought where your friends are gossiping about your best friend behind her back, more people annoy you, you annoy more people.

You also learn that its not always the people closest to you that would do something so small (so meaningful to you) yet to them it seems to much, sometimes the people who really will do it are the people you’ve always known where there……..but you never took the time to notice them.

You learn who really cares, you learn who your TRUE friends are.

5 things I love/will never give up

1. My Christianity
Yeah you might say she’s just a 14 year old girl, she has no idea what the world will throw at her, and your right, I don’t, that’s why I need god, because I don’t know.
2. My grandmas birth stone
Along with my birth stone and a plain cross, I have my grandmas birthstone on a chain around my neck, never taken it off since the day I got it, so I always have my grandma with me.
3. The one direction family
I know, its just a band. Don’t. Even. Go. There.
4. My close knit DNA related family
They have weird traditions, they have tempers, there are some that I have not met, but I love them to death.
5. People
Someone recently asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said, a nurse, her immediate reaction was, you love people that much? Yes, in fact I do, the blood doesn’t bother me, and I like helping people.

You

You taught me to make it OK
You showed me to hold it in till later
You made me stay strong
You told me to smile
You said,  never let go of who you are
1 year and 10 months ago, you promised me that you would always pull me out even if I’m in the middle of the ocean, you said you would be there
You always are
You reminded me that giving up never was, never is, and never will be the answer

Fight like siblings, talk like cousins, hang like BFF’s

I don’t support everything you do.
But I do love someone who fights for what they believe in, even if I don’t believe in it.
If I like you that doesn’t mean I support everything you do. You say you love me and I know you don’t support everything I do. That’s what family is. Family stands behind family. Family stands up for family. Family fights for family. I don’t care if we are related by blood or not. If we love each other like family, then your family.
How do you know your family?
If you’ve know each other for over a year, can have a big fight, walk away and come back and apologize. That’s friends. But. If you hang out at each others houses, tell each other everything, and just about act like cousins. That’s family.
Some cousins are like siblings. Except you don’t tell your siblings everything. Family friends are like between cousins and siblings. You yell and scream at each other like siblings, tell each other everything like cousins, and hang out at each others house’s like best friends.
Ya know what I mean?

I miss you

I still see your smile at night when I’m dreaming and your face pops into the picture and you smile at me like you did when I made a joke or I did something you found cute. I miss you, we never really had much, I don’t know if you were using me, but I miss you. You made me feel like my schoolwork was nothing, just because you got up at 5 am went to work, then went to school. You made me feel like I had something to look forward to. Now all I got is my besties, and hey I’m not complaining, I love my girls, but the feeling I got when you’d text Hey Babe, well there is no comparison.
Now my older brother wants to kill you, and I miss you. (Sigh)

What goes through my brain

There are things I’ve done, things I never want replayed, things I never want anyone to do. And yet, somehow, someone, finds out. And I’m not in trouble, but its just to embarrassing to show my face one the street again.

Society: be yourself
Society: no not like that

Blah blah blah

No one cares

Dude, I know my ass is cute (not really) but seriously, stop touching it

I have an idea, shut up

If I die young I want all my one direction stuff buried with me

Before I die tell my family I have a blog

Yep, I’m going to hell

Reality

I’m no longer that little girl who played with dolls,
Who ran around outside all day with no cares,
Those frilly dresses I once wore are long gone.
Now I text boys, fight with my parents, and sneak out of the house wearing mini skirts and low cut shirts.

But when I do this something inside me sometimes yearns for the days of no cares and dressing dolls,
Knowing that going back in time isn’t a choice, I dream constantly of the little house that we lived in, the room I had to my self but wanted to share with a big sister, now all I can do is look back, pretend to ignore the world, when what I really want is to go sit on the couch wearing sweats, watching supernatural, eating pizza, and drinking mountain dew, with harry styles.

But if I wish on that shooting star wanting a perfect life, world peace, no one dying, no one ever hurt, and cuddling with harry styles I know I won’t get them because its not reality.
Reality is what is happening today. What happened yesterday. And what will happen tomorrow.