Ha.

It’s 2:40am central time and I have “decided” that I’m gonna be a doctor and a soccer coach. Life goals.

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Need Christmas break

It’s that time of year. My siblings and I try to argue dad and mom out of only giving us 3 days of Christmas break. and they laugh at us as we explain why we deserve at least a week of Christmas break. Here’s why we deserve this break.
Year round we have schoolwork except for independence day, Thanksgiving, and December 24, 25, and 26. And we only have a vacation once a year, every 2 years. Then there’s church conference’s, that’s 2 days. So in a no vacation year we get 7 breaks. And in a vacation year, we get 14 days of breaks.  This year is not vacation year so I think we really should get at least a week of Christmas break. I mean it’s seriously not gonna put us anymore behind, we have summer school. Every year for my entire life, since school age, we’ve all had summer school, some of us really didn’t need it, some did, but ya know how it is, being cooped inside when it’s 100° outside and 98° cause your parents don’t use air conditioning. I do believe we deserve a 1 week break.

Building, blocking, waiting

We build fence’s, we build walls, we put in doors, and we replace those doors with small windows until the pain is to much we seal it all up

We block it out, the pain, the fears, the happiness, the excitement, the lonely parts of us are like a hole that never fills, a anchor that never drops into the water but hangs there, waiting.

Waiting for the people who never keep promises and always runaway to come back cause we always knew why they did what they did, and they always come back, sooner, or later.

Thank you

I’m sure it annoys the crap out of some of you that my blog is called ilove1d2000’s blog instead of just ilove1d2000, but I don’t really care because I didn’t create my blog for how it looked to you, I created it for me. Its nice to know people are reading my blog but this blog I’ve created and write on? I created it for me.

Its not right

When I was 8, I was introduced to the history of Christopher Columbus, the Mayflower, George Washington, and every popular war. What all these people and wars have in common is that someone was usually fighting for freedom. Freedom to worship peacefully, freedom to legally be of a different race, freedom to be its own country, freedom to live. People came to this country mostly to be able to worship the god they believed in, peacefully. There was of course a rocky start. But slowly they got what they wanted and before long america was where everyone wanted to be. They went through war, they got a president, and then they went through more crap.

I’m just really angry that our ancestors came to this land to worship how they wanted and now people are being beat up on the same land for worshiping how they want to.

Finding MY voice

Live in the moment, not the memory I’ve heard other people say this (celebs and such) but it never really was my motto until I realized that my grandma was dead and that’s what I was doing. There had been so many good times and I never lived in the moment, I never tried to use what time was left to have the best time with my grandma, or my grandpa, or my oldest brother, or my dad. I feel like my life is filled with all these regrets because I was always pushing people away or being just inside the party. Like I’ve just got my nose peeping out of my shell. I don’t want my nose just peeping out of my shell. I want to stand on my own 2 feet and not hide behind watching the kids at reunions, party’s, weddings. I just don’t know if I know how. I’m still trying to find my voice, and now I’m trying to find myself, but when I say I’ll do something lord knows I’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen, when I say I will start something, I will also end it. Its just a matter of how.

Inside I’m screaming

Right now I am sitting in the theatre to see “big hero 6”, now originally I was going to see interstellar, but then I was asked to stay with my siblings, cause my 11 year old sister didn’t want to be with my little siblings which I completely understand, but why couldn’t my older brother be watching “big hero 6”? I don’t know. But interstellar better either be a reallllllly bad movie or “big hero 6” better be a reallllly good movie, because all my older brother ever gave up for these kids was babysitting them instead of playing “league of legends” like maybe 5 times. For these kids I have for years given up hanging with friends for babysitting because I’m their sister, or that’s what my mom said. When I was 8 my mom started to leave me alone with them so she could run errands alone for a couple of hours and at age 9 my parents left me to watch my siblings for up to 5 hours. And where were my older brothers? Hanging with friends, gaming, swearing, and what ever else 12 and 14 year olds did. And I just got kicked in the back cause I’m on my phone. Life sucks.

Yes, I know.

Its 1:14am and I am only up because earlier (10:00am) I made a small pot of coffee and put hot chocolate in it, sugar and coffee, really Lydia? Your so stupid I swear like you do the stupidest things and when you do them you know it’s stupid but you don’t care like maybe you should think that maybe when you go shopping tomorrow there are going to be other humans there shopping and what do humans do? They judge. And they gonna judge you cause you gonna look like you got in a fight and got punched in both eyes, you know what Lydia? Lydia, you stupid, you a stupid little girl.
I know I don’t sound like me writing this and that is because when I wrote this I wrote it in the voice of superwoman (the youtuber, awesome person, btw) which I only do when I’m tired and can’t sleep so I’m sorry not sorry.

Appreciating, realizing, learning

As you get older you read books slower appreciating the small romantic and pretty things, you realize that the daily arguments you have with your siblings are stupid and useless, you start to think about your grades, you think seriously about money, you try not to lose what you love most in your daily life, you worry less and more at the same time, you lie less, doing your hair is actually part of your daily routine, you find that your more open to trying new things, you actually want to date a guy even if that guy hasn’t appeared in your life yet, pretending is something that bores you, you realize that in 3&1/2 years if you have a job you will be paying taxes (scary), you become aware that people who you thought where your friends are gossiping about your best friend behind her back, more people annoy you, you annoy more people.

You also learn that its not always the people closest to you that would do something so small (so meaningful to you) yet to them it seems to much, sometimes the people who really will do it are the people you’ve always known where there……..but you never took the time to notice them.

You learn who really cares, you learn who your TRUE friends are.