Ha.

It’s 2:40am central time and I have “decided” that I’m gonna be a doctor and a soccer coach. Life goals.

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Yes, I know.

Its 1:14am and I am only up because earlier (10:00am) I made a small pot of coffee and put hot chocolate in it, sugar and coffee, really Lydia? Your so stupid I swear like you do the stupidest things and when you do them you know it’s stupid but you don’t care like maybe you should think that maybe when you go shopping tomorrow there are going to be other humans there shopping and what do humans do? They judge. And they gonna judge you cause you gonna look like you got in a fight and got punched in both eyes, you know what Lydia? Lydia, you stupid, you a stupid little girl.
I know I don’t sound like me writing this and that is because when I wrote this I wrote it in the voice of superwoman (the youtuber, awesome person, btw) which I only do when I’m tired and can’t sleep so I’m sorry not sorry.

I know, I know, I’ve been told I’m weird

After something happens I makeup situations in my head where I could have been a little more cool about it. Like a couple days ago I was on the crew for a play and the crew had to wear all black and so over my black tee I was wearing a dark blue, grey and white plaid, and the stage directors like can you take off the blue top? And I’m like sure, but later I thought I could have said something like no I’m not wearing anything under it, ya know? Make a stupid joke and be more likable in the crews eyes? Yeah that’s my favorite trick to acting confident.

I miss you

I still see your smile at night when I’m dreaming and your face pops into the picture and you smile at me like you did when I made a joke or I did something you found cute. I miss you, we never really had much, I don’t know if you were using me, but I miss you. You made me feel like my schoolwork was nothing, just because you got up at 5 am went to work, then went to school. You made me feel like I had something to look forward to. Now all I got is my besties, and hey I’m not complaining, I love my girls, but the feeling I got when you’d text Hey Babe, well there is no comparison.
Now my older brother wants to kill you, and I miss you. (Sigh)

What goes through my brain

There are things I’ve done, things I never want replayed, things I never want anyone to do. And yet, somehow, someone, finds out. And I’m not in trouble, but its just to embarrassing to show my face one the street again.

Society: be yourself
Society: no not like that

Blah blah blah

No one cares

Dude, I know my ass is cute (not really) but seriously, stop touching it

I have an idea, shut up

If I die young I want all my one direction stuff buried with me

Before I die tell my family I have a blog

Yep, I’m going to hell

What happened today

-My best friend and I were walking down the street and she was all happy cause she has a boyfriend and she yelled something really loud, and four people were in their yard and they stared at her and I yell ignore her she has boyfriend.
-The same friend and I were walking down a different street and she saw a puppy on its lawn, and yelled puppy, the owner was about 10 feet away from the dog and heard my friend and looked at us, and I yell she ain’t mental, she’s dating someone.
-I was hanging out with my cousin and we were just sitting there on our phones and he playfully punched me in the knee, he’s like dude ow! And I’m like chill I’m fine, and he’s like no my knuckles!
-A little later the same cousin like squeezed my nose closed and he’s like you can’t breath and I’m like sure so why am I talking, and he just looks at me for a second then says I’m so stupid, that cousin is 15 years old.